P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
