I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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