I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
