okay pat passed out under dana's car
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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