I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
