During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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