so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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