yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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