what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
