this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are all done wearing pants today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
