And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
