I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
