I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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