just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
