i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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