You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
