you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
