I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
