Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
