dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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