Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
