My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
