oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
