I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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