But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
