The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
