Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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