Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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