I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
