Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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