After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
