Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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