my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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