Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
