wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
