FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
