ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
These tits shall not be calmed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
