im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hippo gnu deer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
