Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
