WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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