I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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