He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
