At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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