this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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