we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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