You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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