Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
