you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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