Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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