my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
