I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
